I seem to be on an eternal journey, trying to change myself physically. I feel unhappy with my weight and it seems it has been a shadow all my life. I have one memory of my 6th birthday and loving how I looked in a wine velvet dress. It had a little white bib on the front, and some netting underneath. I was so happy when Mum said I could wear whatever I wanted for my day, and I chose this, even in July!
For lots of awful reasons, I gained weight as a way of protecting myself from life I guess, and it has become such a burden at this stage of my life. I don't want it anymore.
Year in, year out, I try so many times to lose weight and still, heading for 43 and I'm heavy inside. My spirit is heavy and I want it to float.
This time I want it out there, I need support, I know so many people have the same struggle and I would love to be able to share their journey, and to lend a hand along the way......
Come on this journey with me. I've embarked on the GI diet through the gym. Day four and so far so good. It is getting easier as I am more organised and my body is adjusting to less food. The first week limits carbohydrates to one a day and the fruit is restricted to black berries and blue berries, neither of which appeal to me.
The gym has been fun, it is the Ladies Workout Express, so it is 30 mins max......
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I think it is great that you are sharing with people, because we all have our demons and things that control us and the only way to start building up ourselves from the inside out, is through sharing and opening up. I am proud that you have started this and if there is anything I can do, let me know.
ReplyDeleteTis funny, a few weeks back, E made a comment about diets and I said something back about eating problems...she said, we really REALLY need to sit down and talk about this stuff, because its on our minds and we are dealing with it alone. HFM xxx
Your great, you can do this, dont you let anything stop you this time. Im here for you xxx
ReplyDeleteBy the way, the one that comes up as NUIM is me, Eimear, the pink lady, the ever struggling child with the child xxxx
ReplyDeleteThe ever struggling child with the child...wow I connect with this line Eimear...and I connect with what you say Annah about 'I gained weight as a way of protecting myself from life'. As you already know, I’m in the same boat as you are.
ReplyDeleteI have gained weight as a way of encircling myself and keeping people away from me. Out of my need to protect myself. A way of keeping my feelings deeply buried and a form of self rejection. At times even self loathing. You sent me an email today and through it I realised how hurt I am through the breakup of Anton and my relationship. I’ve never looked at this hurt before – it’s so deeply buried within me and it's a culmination of hurt carried from my childhood and which has gained momentum over the years – and the outward manifestation of it is what I’ve done to my body with this weight. And the feelings of guilt and failure alongside it. The thing is, I only put this weight on as my relationship disintegrated slowly and now I’m overweight and I can see it physically and feel it physically, but if I look back I know I’ve never been happy with my body. I don’t have any memories of loving the way I looked or felt in anything. Not even when I was at my leanest and most competitive as a rower at university. So even when I was my ideal weight, I felt heavy.
I’m ready to grow up and take responsibility for my life and for my feelings. I want to be at peace with my feelings and safe in my life. My journey to lose my weight that weighs me down physically, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, is a journey for the most part to love and accept myself. The thing I need to do the most of in this journey is forgive myself and approve of myself. I need to forgive others and create my own life the way I want it.
Well done on creating this blog to talk about losing weight and everything that goes along with this. I’m happy to share this journey with you and I’ll be here for you and for me and for whoever else joins us every step of the way.
I’m walking 8km’s every day (this is the time I connect with my soul) and I’m going to gym on Tuesday’s (training for the mini marathon which I want to jog the whole way), Wednesday’s (swimming training), and Saturday and Sunday morning (aerobic and weight training). On Monday I’ll start the RTE OT diet. In the meantime I’m eating healthy stir frys (lots of juicy veggies) and trying to be healthy generally with what I’m taking into my body and into my mind.
I got a fright this morning when I woke up thinking – is today the Patrick Holford seminar Food as Medicine and if so I'm already late. So I went onto the website to check (I need to find my ticket this week as I don’t know where I’ve put it) and for the first time I actually read the content of the seminar. It looks really good. It says: In this seminar you will learn how to:
ReplyDelete• Increase your energy
• Tune up your digestion
• Balance your hormones
• Detox your body
• Boost your immune system
• Improve your memory and mood
If anyone else is interested in coming along the seminar runs from 10am to 5pm on Saturday, March 28th at the Royal College of Surgeons O'Flanagan Theatre, St Stephen's Green, Dublin 2. Patrick Holford is one of the world's leading authorities on New Approaches to Health and Nutrition. For more information visit: www.patrickholford.com.
I’m so looking forward to hearing what he has to say. The seminar costs €90.
Annah. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteFor creating the sacred place and sharing this real issue. You can see from the above comments that it really is pertinent to so many people. I'm looking forward to sharing your journey. I don't need to go into my weight/food issues here. You know the story!
Keep on blogging Annah, we're all right along here with you!
I had no idea I had any replies until now, Thank you each and everyone, your comments are an inspiration, and I know I am not alone....
ReplyDeleteI'm also seeing that when there is clutter and disorder, I am so much worse in terms of looking after my needs. I seem to need simplicity, order and space to function properly...