Being nice to me.....

This was yesterday's lunch. In white wine,

with a hint of curry and vegetable stock.

I served it with a few different lentils

and splitpeas cooked with brown rice.

May day feast

Some of the wondeful treats we had this evening

at Tia's. Thank you all so much for a great gathering..

Still on the right road...

I am delighted with myself. I have stayed focused for the last two days, and I feel the
benefits of that discipline. When I put myself first, and take time to walk or go to the
gym, or even take the time to put an apple or a piece of cheese in my bag, it is me
taking the time to take care of myself. I know the GI diet works for me.

The last few days were strained for me, as I thought I was pregnant. I was two weeks
late in my cycle (very rare for me!), and despite two negative pregnancy tests, I was
really starting to worry. I would always welcome another little soul on board our lovely
family, but the timing seemed wrong, and I feel ready to take my creative side to the
limit now. So another baby (probably a boy) would have changed those plans just a little.

But today, all is back to normal, and I can refocus on myself and what I want to do for me!

Back on track.... again.

I feel like a total disaster with regards to trying
to stay with any weight programme. I was back on
track, then off track and am now trying to stick with
it again. In my head I really want to do this, to be
thinner, healthier, fitter, happier. Why then do I
sabotage it all, and eat badly, and feel awful?

Its a mystery.....

Back on track

Delicious
I won a voucher for Denis Healy's Organic
Fruit and Veg at the Home Birth Conference
last year. It took me over a year to get to
Leopardstown Market! But so worth it...

Off the wagon...

This week saw me fall off the wagon big time....

I had my chocolate days, and my eating junk days, but none of the foods tasted
particularly nice. I kept trying to get back on track, but I was messing. By today, I was
driving the boys to ENRG, and I craved Almonds and my body was screaming out for water.
But I gave it coffee and chocolate. Yeuk. It tasted so awful, but in my mind it was going to
taste divine.

Back to the gym I went, and had gained almost a pound. This seems ok, considering I was
off my programme, I only had one visit to the gym, and no walks. My hip is in agony, and
I feel so distracted with it.

But, enough of the messing. I worked out on the upper body machines. I'm worried about my
hip, it has been going on a little too long for my liking. I've been in pain since last November.
And I came back to half a litre of water, I washed the dishes, and cleaned out the car.
Strangely, when these things are done before morning, I feel so much more focused, and am
so much more likely to succeed for the rest of the day.

I'm also bursting with creative ideas, and have no-one to bounce them off. This feels frustrating
to say the least.

Tomorrow, we will meet up with Morganna and go to Imaginosity, and then head to Leopardstown Market where I will use a voucher I won at last year's Homebirth Conference, worth €50. I can't wait to have loads of fresh organic fruit and veg.

When I leave to go to the gym, Saul often waves goodbye and says 'I love Ya', but sometimes he
says, 'Bye, Annah, you love yourself', and this is what I need to do. To do these things because
I love myself.....

Damn you, Chocolate.....

Ok, I fell off the wagon today, big time. In fact, I fell off yesterday.
I had decided I didn't want a big Easter Egg, so I thought I would
buy a little Rolo egg to have a treat, a little treat. The shops seemed
to be all out of Rolo eggs, and offered me Galaxy. As Cal loves the
same Galaxy, I decided to get two.......

And I had one last night, then I had the two of them last night. In
secret.

I got up this morning, and went for a lovely walk, and planned to
come back and have coffee and share the Snicker's Egg Michael
had bought me. I had a Snicker's bar, and he took the rest fishing.

See photo. What more does a man need going fishing!

But I would have sold the kids for Chocolate.

Later in the day I took Aubrey, Saul and neighbour Derbhile off
to a payground, and I stopped for two bars of chocolate, which I bought,
I didn't trade the kids off for them.

And then I figured I had blown it for the day, and bought us all
a take away from the chipper.

So there we have it, bread (for the chips), with butter and salt,
chocolate, and then the chips. Help.

I want to write this, and let go of it. I want to start afresh
tomorrow, feeling energised and organised....

I'm so proud....

I went away for the weekend, and I didn't have all I needed with
me foodwise, but I managed really well. Over the entire weekend
the only thing I had that didn't fit into the GI plan was a piece of
chocolate cake, that actually wasn't worth the effort. For me, to
just stick with a plan when away is unheard of! I would normally
give in to temptation and blame anyone else but myself. But it feels
so different this time around and I am taking responsibility for what
I am doing.

Morganna and I went for two hikes over the weekend which were lovely
and refresing, and so nice to talk and share our lives without interruption!

I did some drawing and played with some paints. I seem to have tapped
into some creative side of myself and I am bursting to make something
or to focus on getting a studio place somewhere soon.

On Mon we headed to Kilcoole where Ciara and I chatted about the ideas
of creative spaces........ It is lovely to be in sync with her on this. I long for
more creative people around me.

Today I spent lots of time pampering myself, and I am still amazed that
nobody called mebefore, during or after my shower! saul seemed to really
enjoy having his space back and playing with his toys again and he seemed
absorbed, so I enjoyed my own time! And back to the gym tonight. It feels
so good. Yay Me.........

Start of week three

Today is the start of week 3, and I am delighted that I am still hanging in there. I see my pattern is to give up around now, but I have no inclination to do that at all. I feel very focused, and am seeing it as a way of eating, a way of life.

I need to see the reward is in not eating the food that causes me problems. To chose food that makes me feel better, rather than food that punishes me.

I feel light in my body.....I think that the bloating is gone as I've had no salt. This week at the gym, I lost an additional 4 oz, so I stabilised after losing 6lbs initially. Normal, according to the ladies who know at the gym. In previous weight loss attempts, I would have felt disillusioned, and possibly given up. Also in going to the gym, the appeal is that it is so quick and not too taxing on the body. Short but intense, and so maneagable.

I feel more inclined to walk those few extra steps, and kick a ball with the boys too. Lots of positives.....

Looking foreward to breakfast in the morning. Porridge again, sprinkled with oat bran and some All-Bran. This gives it some sweetness and a lovely crunchy taste in contrast to the creamy hot porridge. Yum......

Lunch

I was delighted with myself yesterday

heading off to the Hilton for the Homebirth

Association screening of 'Orgasmic Birth, and

I took my lunch with me. Normally I would

eat such rubbish at these events, so I felt

proud of myself sticking with my plan.

I headed to town and had dinner in

Waga Mama, yum, and then went to see

Claire perform in the ESB Feis Ceoil.

As always I am astounded by her

talent playing the piano, but she took

my breath away this time.

Well done Claire, Amazing performance.

Tomorrow will be the end of the second

week, and I will be weighed in. I went

to the gym 4 times, and had two long

walks, Sat and Sun. My energy levels

are so high these days. Brilliant!!!

Lovely start to my days

This is the porridge I made yesterday with

the milled seeds and Goji berries.
This morning's treat was porrridge with
golden linseed and strawberries.

Salad with yesterday's dinner of marinated

Tandoori Chicken. These salad servers

were a wedding present from NC in Donegal

and they always make me smile...........

My spiral...

Dinner yesterday, wholewheat pasta

with tuna, olives, lentils, mushrooms, spinach,

mangetout and tomato, topped with mayonaise

and freshly ground black pepper.

Today, I seem to find myself restless around food.


I want to eat all day. Distraction isn't working, as there is


loads to do. I have orders to be ready for the weekend and


an entire sofa covered in clothes to be folded and put away but


I can't seem to motivate myself to do any of the above.





But I am chosing very health little snacks, and this is a positive...





I wish I had photographed my breakfast. Porridge, sprinkled with


milled flax, sunflower, pumpkin, sesame seeds and goji berries. Then


topped with fresh sliced strawberries. I can't wait until tomorrow


morning for more.......





I took Saul to the gym in between school pick-ups where there is half


an hour that is weirdly too short to do anything and just too long to hang


out to wait for Aubrey. I got most of the circuit done, with Saul saying


'You can do it Annah' as I used each machine. I am no longer Mum to him,


its Annah all the way now! He danced to the music and frequently tried


new moves, asking me if I could do his ones. So cute.





I don't know yet what to cook for dinner. For lunch I cheated and had a vanilla


shake from the gym. It was really tasty and surprised me.

First Week Over

Today is the start of week two, and I am in the swing of things.
I had breakfast, porridge with a little Splenda. I'm getting used to the taste.
In comparison, I would have had a huge bowl of porridge with
salt and sugar competing for taste in my mouth.
Some mornings I have porridge with cinnamon, chopped almonds, wheatgerm
and sprinkled with organic linseed. Yum.

Yesterday evening I returned to the Gym, braving the brisk walk in the cold, it was
freezing! Cal came with me, and put any one to shame with the speed he could move on the
Aerobics step block!

I had my weigh in, and had lost 6 lbs.... Yippee. I skipped around the machines then with a spring in my step, delighted with myself.

A walk back home and had dinner, salmon baked in oven with teryaki marinade and sprinkled with cajun spice. A big delicious salad to add colour and flavour, the usual, mixed leaves, spinach, avocado, red onion, tomato and olives. Its the dressing that delights me, garlic, honey, olive oil, black pepper, wholegrain mustard, teryaki, soy and balsamic vinegar.

I sat down to read the GIbook by Rick Gallop that accompanies the programme. Cal was curious about what I was reading and then laughed. He said, all you have to do is go to the gym and eat healthy. Why do you have to read a book about it? Point taken Cal. Thank you.

Have a good day one and all.....

Progress despite temptation.....

We had a party at Mum and Dad's on

Sat night. Solstice, Claire's 30th, Aily's

26th, and Mother's day.....

It was a great night, with Claire, Eimear

Aily and Brian singing, Brian on the guitar too.

Beautiful. Dad, did an amazing rendition

about waiting for a Pint of Guiness to be ready

and of the respect needed for the same pint!

Brilliant!!!

Johnney recited some of his own poetry and Mum

had her party pieces too.

When I mentioned I can eat blackberries and

blueberries, Mum swiftly produced these

blackberries from the freezer, picked

locally I imagine with Jamie. Thanks Mum..

I was so delighted with myself, as I didn't

succomb to temptation and have any of

Mum's famous Coffee Cake......Thanks to Eimear

as she suggested we jog around the house to

work off our fantasy cake!

This was my lunch earlier, chicken stir-fried

in Teryaki, served with spinach, rocket cherry

tomatoes and avocado........

I can still taste the salad Tia made for last night.

Mixed lettuce, Spinach, olives, avocado, cherry toms

red onion, with a dressing of fresh lemon juice, garlic,

Balsamic vinegar, wholegrain mustard, honey, black

pepper, soy sauce and teryaki sauce. It tasted divine!

Today, chicken stir fry with a ginger and

pepper sauce. I do eat a lot of chicken, as the GI

programme recommends frequent protein

but cheese is very limited and I don't like red meat.

I feel so proud of myself, as I have stuck with it

for nearly a week, having one carbohydrate a day

is tough for me, the cornflake queen! I made brown

scones and two fruitcakes, and muffins with the boys

on Friday. I admit to having the heel of the fruitcake

with butter, and two little granola bars over the week

but that is it. No salt, and at least two litres of water a day.

I'm finding it easier now, and with going to the Gym, I

have much more energy to walk and do things I would

have really avoided before. The gym is great, I've had

friend there for company each time I've gone the last

week, so we laugh and chat and time flies.......

I need to find whatever it is that keeps me on track

and identify it, and the same way, to recognise why

I go off course. The word that comes to mind is

sabbotage, and I need to stop that negative part of

me that gets in the way. Also for me knowing that in

the past I would try lose weight and the very foods I

chose to eat were my trigger foods and wound cause

my blood sugar to rise and drop and I would then look

for food again to satisfy this false hunger. Now my

blood sugar is stable and I don't have those crazy

mood swings. I can get light headed and I need to eat

every 3 hours to keep it even. It seems to work for me.

So watch this space.....

Finding my way....

I seem to be on an eternal journey, trying to change myself physically. I feel unhappy with my weight and it seems it has been a shadow all my life. I have one memory of my 6th birthday and loving how I looked in a wine velvet dress. It had a little white bib on the front, and some netting underneath. I was so happy when Mum said I could wear whatever I wanted for my day, and I chose this, even in July!

For lots of awful reasons, I gained weight as a way of protecting myself from life I guess, and it has become such a burden at this stage of my life. I don't want it anymore.

Year in, year out, I try so many times to lose weight and still, heading for 43 and I'm heavy inside. My spirit is heavy and I want it to float.

This time I want it out there, I need support, I know so many people have the same struggle and I would love to be able to share their journey, and to lend a hand along the way......

Come on this journey with me. I've embarked on the GI diet through the gym. Day four and so far so good. It is getting easier as I am more organised and my body is adjusting to less food. The first week limits carbohydrates to one a day and the fruit is restricted to black berries and blue berries, neither of which appeal to me.

The gym has been fun, it is the Ladies Workout Express, so it is 30 mins max......